Yaknow......... my biggest hurdle in my everyday life is fighting the negative thoughts. It's tiring. I can't lie. I internalize everything very easily. Then, when I did, I found myself beating myself up for what I "did". My counsellor and those who understood me told me that it wasn't my fault. I'm living with a condition. But I just can't help it and continued feeling bad for what I "did". The effect of my first severe relapse still haunts me up until today. Tho, it shaped me to be who I am today, there are still parts of the aftermath I still want to fix because it meant so much to me. And because of that, I don't want to give up fighting for both my mental illness and the one that I treasured so much. The ones who understood me and my situation constantly remind me that it's going to be worth a fight and don't give up on it. The whole of it. I hate the fact that the society always assumes (because they don't understand) th
Hi. It's been a while. This week marks my third week being on a new combination of meds. a.k.a cocktails . I've lost count on how many times I've been through meds changes. lol. This time around...... I'm no longer on sleeping pills but sedatives. My sleeping problem got really worst that they decided to give me sedatives. Tbh, at first, I was overwhelmed by the word "sedatives". Because at the back of my head, sedatives = drugs that they give to psychotic prisoners (too much series, I know. lol). But, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Miraculously, I finally get to feel how it feels like to have being able to sleep again. It's been a LOOOOOONGGGGGGGGGG time. Some may ask what's the purpose of having this sedatives... well...... it acts as both my mood stabilizer and my sleeping pills. As well as..... my psychosis (I'm harmless. I promise. If you've triggered me, bear it at your own risk. you gotta learn how to UNtrigger m