Skip to main content

My kind of cocktails


Hi. It's been a while. This week marks my third week being on a new combination of meds. a.k.a cocktails. I've lost count on how many times I've been through meds changes. lol.

This time around...... I'm no longer on sleeping pills but sedatives. My sleeping problem got really worst that they decided to give me sedatives. Tbh, at first, I was overwhelmed by the word "sedatives". Because at the back of my head, sedatives = drugs that they give to psychotic prisoners (too much series, I know. lol). But, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Miraculously, I finally get to feel how it feels like to have being able to sleep again. It's been a LOOOOOONGGGGGGGGGG time. Some may ask what's the purpose of having this sedatives... well...... it acts as both my mood stabilizer and my sleeping pills. As well as..... my psychosis (I'm harmless. I promise. If you've triggered me, bear it at your own risk. you gotta learn how to UNtrigger me). 

All in all, i'm actually exhausted fighting my own battle. I am legit fighting with my own self but in the inside. I am a prisoner to my own mind. There were a lot of times I've lost to the battle such as, skipping my meds, self-harming, neglected my own hygiene, ghosted on people and the list goes on and on and on. 

But..... I was reminded that this was the battle that I was willing to fight for the ones I care. Without them, I won't be at where I am right now. There are times that the battle gets really hard but... to compare from how I was....... I am grateful. I sometimes wish that my loved ones can finally accept me for what I have based on the progress despite the ups and downs, but, I can't force someone to wrap around something that they're not ready to receive yet. Time kills me more than it should ( I can hear my best friend saying "take it slow").

Anywaaaaaaaaay, I'm drowsy as heck. I dont even know what I typed above. It is what it is. 

Till then,
Putang ina, time :(
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

10 Ways You Can Be That Shining Light for Those Battling Depression

Here's another post that might help everyone (and my beloved ones 😔 I'm forever wishing they knew/understand how debilitating it is for me) ----------------- If you know someone who’s depressed or is showing similar symptoms, the chances are that their mental condition affects yours as well. Whether it is a friend desperately seeking assignment help to deal with academic pressure or a loved one gradually withdrawing from social gatherings, watch out for the signs that call for action. More than 300 million people worldwide suffer from depression . Studies show that caregivers or close ones can play a huge role in bringing some love and light to the depressed ones. This post explains how you can be that shining beacon of hope for those battling this dark disease. Read on to know what you can do to not let the darkness engulf. Recognize  the signs early on – how to detect depression When you have a loved one affected with depression, helping them sta...
27 comments
Read more

A Hurdle

Yaknow......... my biggest hurdle in my everyday life is fighting the negative thoughts. It's tiring. I can't lie. I internalize everything very easily. Then, when I did, I found myself beating myself up for what I "did". My counsellor and those who understood me told me that it wasn't my fault. I'm living with a condition. But I just can't help it and continued feeling bad for what I "did". The effect of my first severe relapse still haunts me up until today. Tho, it shaped me to be who I am today, there are still parts of the aftermath I still want to fix because it meant so much to me. And because of that, I don't want to give up fighting for both my mental illness and the one that I treasured so much. The ones who understood me and my situation constantly remind me that it's going to be worth a fight and don't give up on it. The whole of it. I hate the fact that the society always assumes (because they don't understand) th...
3 comments
Read more