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A Hurdle

Yaknow......... my biggest hurdle in my everyday life is fighting the negative thoughts. It's tiring. I can't lie. I internalize everything very easily. Then, when I did, I found myself beating myself up for what I "did". My counsellor and those who understood me told me that it wasn't my fault. I'm living with a condition. But I just can't help it and continued feeling bad for what I "did". The effect of my first severe relapse still haunts me up until today. Tho, it shaped me to be who I am today, there are still parts of the aftermath I still want to fix because it meant so much to me. And because of that, I don't want to give up fighting for both my mental illness and the one that I treasured so much. The ones who understood me and my situation constantly remind me that it's going to be worth a fight and don't give up on it. The whole of it.

 I hate the fact that the society always assumes (because they don't understand) the one who suffers from mental illness is a "toxic person". Do you know how much that hurts? Do you know how that simple phrase can affect the one who suffers from it IMMEDIATELY? Do you know that the effect lasts longer than any of your relationships? lol. The cure to all these stupidity, ignorance and misinterpretations is education. Man it still gets me every single time. I hope with my PhD one day, I can vanish all those. Because, I can't stand seeing any more of broken relationships due to mental illness. It's stupid and ignorant. It's fixable and manageable if you put the effort into it.

 The future may seem bleak but I still have hope. You're worth it in your own ways. Fight for whatever you think and feel is worth it. Because it's going to be worth it. It's hard but it's better than dwelling on why it didn't work when you didn't put the effort in the first place. Follow your heart. Get working y'alls.

 Till then,
The one who's looking forward to make a difference.

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