My Struggles With Mental Illness

Hi. It's been a while. This week marks my third week being on a new combination of meds. a.k.a cocktails . I've lost count on how many times I've been through meds changes. lol. This time around...... I'm no longer on sleeping pills but sedatives. My sleeping problem got really worst that they decided to give me sedatives. Tbh, at first, I was overwhelmed by the word "sedatives". Because at the back of my head, sedatives = drugs that they give to psychotic prisoners (too much series, I know. lol). But, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Miraculously, I finally get to feel how it feels like to have being able to sleep again. It's been a LOOOOOONGGGGGGGGGG time. Some may ask what's the purpose of having this sedatives... well...... it acts as both my mood stabilizer and my sleeping pills. As well as..... my psychosis (I'm harmless. I promise. If you've triggered me, bear it at your own risk. you gotta learn how to UNtrigger m...

Over the years, I’ve heard a wide variety of things said about people with mental illness. Often, these statements have been directed at me by family and friends, but just as often they’ve been directed at others, too. So, I wanted to address and examine some of these statements, why they’re harmful and help continue to perpetuate the stigma of mental illness, and how people can better educate themselves to avoid causing further harm. 1. “It’s all in your head.” This is easily one of the most common things I’ve heard. It’s also one of the most clueless and dismissive. I typically hear it from people who simply don’t want to acknowledge the existence of mental illness for one reason or another, whether it be because of their religion or for their own convenience or whatever. But the fact of the matter is that mental illness is not just all in our heads. It’s not something we’ve made up. It’s not a fiction to gain attention and sympathy. It’s not an excuse to justif...

Perhaps it’s the way they are shown in the movies. Maybe it’s the way we see them in commercials or even just their names. But let’s get something clear. Antidepressants  are not “magic pills” you take to magically make you a happy, dancing unicorn. I’ve struggled with depression for many years since my official diagnosis and for many years before that. I didn’t even know about antidepressants when I experienced my first serious depressive episode. When I started seeing a psychiatrist, it was the first time I learned about antidepressants. And from their name, I thought they were going to do wonders for me. I thought if I was good and took the prescribed amount at the right times of day, I could revert back to being the happy, go-lucky girl I used to be. Boy was I wrong. This, my friends, is the ultimate example of expectation vs. reality. Expectation: Wake up sad, empty, numb. Take your pill and suddenly the colors are brighter, food tastes better and you’re ...

Hi. Here am I again, popping out at random hours. lol. My heart is still aching. I'm tired going through my emotional roller-coaster. My meds doesn't seem to be working on me anymore. I bet your ass I'm going to be on new combination of meds. See what I mean the trial and error part when it comes to medication? It's tiring. I feel like I can crash anytime sooner. My body can't take it anymore. I wanted to breakdown so bad but I've been numb. I can't feel anything. I know I'm sad but I can't express it, yet.  I am always there for people and knew too well how to handle them but me. ME.  I miss being normal. My definition of normal is: not to have this constant nasty thoughts inside my head and sleep when I should sleep. I still can laugh my ass off and make stupid jokes. don't get me wrong. It's just that, when I'm done and being all by myself again, here we go again. It comes back in. Sounds exhausting? trust me it is. You...

Here's another post that might help everyone (and my beloved ones 😔 I'm forever wishing they knew/understand how debilitating it is for me) ----------------- If you know someone who’s depressed or is showing similar symptoms, the chances are that their mental condition affects yours as well. Whether it is a friend desperately seeking assignment help to deal with academic pressure or a loved one gradually withdrawing from social gatherings, watch out for the signs that call for action. More than 300 million people worldwide suffer from depression . Studies show that caregivers or close ones can play a huge role in bringing some love and light to the depressed ones. This post explains how you can be that shining beacon of hope for those battling this dark disease. Read on to know what you can do to not let the darkness engulf. Recognize  the signs early on – how to detect depression When you have a loved one affected with depression, helping them sta...

I RELATE TO THESE POSTS IN THE GODDESS LEVEL: Is it okay to be angry at someone who struggles with mental illness? It’s a feeling of deep hurt that twists my stomach into knots. I give everything I can and feel that I get nothing in return.  All I want is a connection, reliability, and for them not to be a downer all the time! I miss the person I use to know so well!   Even though I struggle with mental illness myself, I do get angry at others that struggle with it. Look, I get it! I know we tend to be very difficult to deal with. In an instant we can turn any moment into a stressful situation. We can be hard to deal with and there are going to be, probably a lot, of times where we let you down. Hey, I’m an advocate for those of us with mental illness. I probably shouldn’t be encouraging you to get angry at us. Yet, I’m going to anyways. But, only under very specific instructions, so listen up! Anger is generally thought of as a “bad” emotion. Peopl...

As of now, it's 5:16AM. I'm awake at odd hours. Nothing unusual for me. lol. People are waking up, and I'm falling asleep. But looking at how I am right now, I dont think i'll be sleeping anytime sooner. So anyhow........ I wanna talk about how I feel all these while ever since the "historic" severe relapse I had. Since then........ I've always been feeling extremely sad, excessively guilty for everything I did that hurt the people I care and mad, at myself and the universe. It got to the point I had an existential crisis. Like why am I still here? I don't know how else to make myself feel better. Don't worry y'alls I've been seeing a counselor for about a year plus now, but here we are.... look at me... still beating myself up at some points. Being honest with you, I've been preaching about mental illness because that's how much I want the people that I love to understand and accept me for me with what I have. I never ...